TOP X REASONS WHY YOU ARE STRUCTURALLY UNEMPLOYED:
1) Whatever skills you may have had when you lost your job a year ago, have now atrophied, gone unused for a year, like a muscle you haven't used in a year. You have to start afresh learning new skills. This makes you depressed.
2) When you start afresh learning new skills, you have to compete against people who are advantaged over you. "They" (below) refers to these people with whom you are now competing for a job.
a) They have worked more recently than you.
b) They are younger than you.
c) They can live on a lower wage than you, and they are willing to accept a lower wage than you, though
you're getting kinda desperate, really.
d) They have more marketable skills than you.
--> Reasons a) through d) make you feel bad, and make you DEPRESSED. Which leads to another
advantage "they" have over you: namely, THEY don't suffer from clinical depression, like you!
e) So WHY are you depressed? You gotta be kidding. Here's why:
i) Because you have been unemployed for a year !
ii) Because you have been either on unemployment or on SSDI for a year
1) Unemployment is making you depressed: Why?
a) You have been accepting the shameful unemployment benefit and feel very guilty about it.
It is making you depressed.
b) You will be running OUT of unemployment benefit in another 47 weeks or less.
c) You worry your unemployment benefit is expiring and this is making you even more
depressed.
d) You are becoming exhausted applying for idiotic jobs you will never get, which the State
Unemployment office (e. g. California EDD) requires you to do in order to keep receiving
the unemployment insurance benefit. This is making you tired AND depressed.
e) In order to keep receiving the unemployment payment you have to fill out the moronic
EDD Unemployment claim form every week, which apparently is especially designed to
make yo feel like a retarded monkey, and yes, this does make you more depressed.
f) When you have a problem with your unemployment benefit, there is NO WAY to talk to
anyone about it. Why? Catch-22, see below:
1) Because the phone number they give you to call is NEVER answered by a person, ("because of the large volume of calls")
2) When you visit a "Comprehensive" State local employment office, they tell you you
should have saved yourself the trip, and that you must call the phone number above,
which, btw, NO HUMAN BEING EVER ANSWERS.
3) When you ask if there is an office you can go to, to discuss your problem, you are
told there IS NO OFFICE TO GO TO. YOU MUST CALL THE NUMBER
WHICH NOBODY EVER ANSWERS. GO BACK TO THE BEGINNING.
4) One guy actually asks you to explain what Catch-22 means (yes, you have been
screaming "Catch-22 for several minutes). It turns out that the phrase "Catch-22"
was not on the curriculum of the High School attended by the employment office
clerk. Turns out he attended High School in a foreign country - Turkey.
(Back to WHY are you depressed? )
2) SSDI (Social Security Disability Insurance) is making you depressed
a) You have managed to get approved for SSDI (Social Security Disability Insurance) by
cheating, lying, bribing or otherwise convincing doctors, nurses, lawyers, and others to
support your claim. This has made you very upset and yes, has also made you depressed .
b) You feel terribly guilty for cheating in order to get the SSDI. It is making your depression
worse.
(Back to "Why You Will Never Work Again)
3) The economy has moved on and left you in the dust in terms of marketable skills. Your skills are no longer marketable or useful in the economy. That's why you're still unemployed. You need to be re-trained. Either that or win the lottery. Or inherit from a rich relative, which you don't have.
4) But everybody knows that the moronic Federal and State training programs are nothing but patronage and graft for state and federal workers (of which you wish you were one). Re-training programs are a joke and to date have never yet ever helped anybody get a good job. It is a government scam, lets face it.
SO: Where does this all leave things?
1) Where does it leave Obama? Well, Obama is busy with other issues: Contraception. Missile sites in Poland. Gay Marriage. Celebrating Bin Laden's death again. (Yes, Bin Laden is still dead, just like Generalissimo Franciso Franco, and, btw, Abraham Lincoln.) Obama is also busy signing a treaty to keep the US in Afghanistan until 2024. He is busy eating dogmeat. Singing Al Green Songs. Going on Jimmy Fallen's show and doing Slow Walking the news or something (?), Having lunch with Warren Buffett, Having lunch with Jeff Immelt. Going to Hollywood and collecting $38,000 per plate for dinner. Accepting a $1M campaign contribution from the disgusting misogynist Bill Maher.And much much more. In other words, Obama is busy. Breaking records for fund-raising in general, and fund-raising on the taxpayer's dime in particular.
2) Where does this leave YOU? It leaves you wondering if you if there is such a thing as kosher dog food. I believe the answer is YES, whoopee. Cat food is definitely out. And it leaves you wondering what the suicide rate in Greece is today, and where it will be next week. Same for France, Italy, Portugal, Ireland, and last but not least, America. On second thought, forget Italy, those guys always know how to live life to the fullest, no matter what. Highest birth rate in Europe!!
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