Wednesday, May 9, 2012

The Suppressed "Killing Osama bin Laden Day" SNL Opening of May 5, 2012



The following is an address from the President of the United States.

Good evening, my fellow Americans.

It was exactly one year ago last Tuesday, May 1, 2011, that US Navy Seal Team 6, acting on my orders, put
an end to the career of Osama bin Laden.

I hope you had a safe and joyous first anniversary of his killing, and that you were able to spend it with
those you love.

This is a special time of year, when we gather together with family and friends, to commemorate the shooting of  this terrorist, and the gutsy decision that made it possible. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to be at home this
year, as I had to fly to Afghanistan, to remind President Karzai that, exactly one year ago, we killed Osama
bin Laden, and that the decision to do so was a gutsy one. And was mine.

To Michelle, Sasha, and Malia, I’m sorry I couldn’t be with you this time.

You know there’s no place I’drather be on Killing Osamabin Laden Day than with you. But I’ll be home for the next Killing Osama bin Laden Day. If only, as the song goes, in my dreams.

Now tonight, I want to talk to you about the economy. But first, a little more about the killing of Osama bin Laden.

Why is it that Mitt Romney refuses to join the rest of his fellow Americans in commemorating the first year anniversary? Does he think that killing Osama bin Laden wasn’t the right thing to do, or that it wasn’t "gutsy"? Why all this sympathyfor a terrorist? Could it be they shared some special bond, since Mitt and Osama were both members of the One Percent? He's weird.

Now I’ll get to the economy in a minute, but while I’m on the subject, there seems to be some confusion among the general public about when exactly we celebrate Killing Osama bin Laden Day.

Many of you apparently think it’s the first Sunday in May, whatever date that falls on. Wrong. He may have been killed on the first Sunday of May, but Killing Osama bin Laden  Day is always celebrated May 1st, the date of the actual killing, whatever day of the week that falls on.

Are we clear? Also, in response to numerous queries, here are the appropriategifts for each anniversary of Osama bin Laden’s death, according to the White House Office of Etiquette.

For the first anniversary: Paper. And the gemstone is opal.
For the fifth anniversary: Wood. Thegemstone is amethyst.
For the tenth anniversary: Tin. Really. Tin.
Many people think it’s silver, but it’s not. It’s tin. Remember that. You don’t want to be embarrassed.

But you can also add your own ideas. For example, I’ve already promised Michelle and the girls, for the Tenth Anniversary, I’m taking them to Orlando.

One more thing: I want to remind us all that, when sending a Killing of Osama bin Laden  anniversary card, or offering best wishes on Killing Osama bin Laden Day to a friend who happens to be Muslim,we should be considerate of Islamic cultural tradition.

To many Muslims, phrases like Osama bin Laden "went dirt-napping,” or “assumed room temperature,” or “sleeps with the fishes,” can be offensive. Especially the last one, since, as we all know, he was buried at sea. And of course, let’s all remember that heavy drinking, and Killing Osama bin Laden Day, are never a good combination. So please celebrate Killing Osama bin Laden Day responsibly. After all, it’s the“gutsy” decision.

Well, I’m afraid that’s all I have time for tonight. The economy, by the way, is looking fantastic. Thank you for listening, and Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night.

No comments:

Post a Comment